5/27/2011 - Iguaçu, Brazil: Is This Real Life?

I swear I'm so jaded towards driving in foreign countries. Broke down at night in the ghetto of the biggest city in Southern Hemisphere. No biggie. See some guy with a gun ask for mechanical help while I'm trying to fix my bike. Whatev. Driving through downtown on sidewalks or between lanes without a clutch, meaning I can`t start or stop with Teresa on the back. It's definitely exciting, but yeah, shit happens. All I do is figure out a temporary solution. Then keep on going. I'm pretty sure it's not healthy, but fuck, I've been doing this for ten months. I don't have a whole lot of surprises left to uncover. I know I sound like a cocky douche, but join me for a week, and I bet you'd talk about it for two months. It's just the day to day life here. I can guarantee I wouldn't have such an exciting life back in my cubicle. But hey, I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

One of the best parts about driving. I stop and rest whenever and wherever I want.

Ok, so besides absurd things about driving a crappy motorcycle through favellas and such. I did make it to beautiful Rio De Janeiro. Second to last thing to do on my original list of South American activities. (I love activities!) I'm at first shocked by the gorgeous ride in. Then I'm super shocked by the enormous price tag. Thirty bucks for a hostel where I've got to make my own bed and share the mosquito ridden room with eight other people. You've got to be kidding. But you can't really camp on the beach, so I just suck it up and pay the man because, really, it is a cool city. As far as natural beauty no other city on the planet can beat it. Rio is nestled in between huge shear rock faced mountains with green forested backsides. The biggest one containing probably the most popular statue on the planet. (Jesus!) Also there's super nice beaches with exceptionally beautiful water (ladies). As well as a vibrant nightlife and culture. You can definitely see why the 2014 World Cup Finals and 2016 Olympics are going to be held here.



Jesus!



The lone surfer in Rio De Janiero

Ipanema Beach in Rio. I love the chick on the right, btw.

The big four tourist things to do is: big Jesus, crazy stairs, street party, and an aerial tram ride. I did the first three, and had a ball doing such. I drove up Corcovado and gave that big Jesus a hug. (Ok. I hugged his pedestal. I'm not 200 feet tall. Geeze.) It was a cool statue, and yeah pretty damn big. The best part was the great views from the top of the mountain. Again, a really beautiful city. I even saw a monkey and a huge toucan. I mean is this place real life? It's like a fucking movie. Anyway, I did get to tourist attraction number two: the Lapa Steps. The story is some goofy guy with a weird mustache apparently got bored and decided put tiles on the staircase to his apartment. Twenty years later he's an artist and people send him tiles from all over the world to use on the steps. Now the whole thing is famous and really pretty cool. You can tell he really loves placing tiles because there are cool patterns and tiles everywhere. Definitely a nice place to snap a few pics and spend an hour or two. Third is a street party. It had street food, cheap beer, and was outside. How could you not love it? I met a bunch of really cool Brazilians, while Teresa on the other hand, met lots Brazilians dudes who knew only enough English to hit on foreigners and be generally creepy. All in all a fun night.

Could it be anymore colorful in Brazil?

Teresa and I with the goofy Artist in Lapa, Rio De Janiero.

Brazil does a bunch of things right. Like women's swim wear, soccer, and barbecue. All you can eat barbecue cut from a giant sword. Yes please. And all for like eight bucks. What a steal, when a burger is like five. I can say I've eaten quite a bit of trucker style roadside barbecue, and good thing I'm leaving soon because I'm not mature enough to handle all you can eat. I really would become a fatty.

As luck would have it. Teresa has a friend she met in Central America that lives in São Paulo. She and her boyfriend invited us over and we were happy to oblige. Upon on arrival, I'm welcomed into a huge apartment complete with a puppy, and before I know it we're heading to the beach to the mysterious 'jungle house' for the night. The road out of São Paulo is a generally awesome road engineering wise. We drove over tall bridges and through long tunnels as we dropped about 4,000 feet to sea level. Then a quick two hours later we got to the jungle house aka ´jungle mansion.´ Four stories, plenty of rooms, barbecue, and sweet mosquito free outdoor patio. Our Brazilian host Daniel proceeded to cook us up various barbecued delights as we sat, drank, played with the puppy, and chatted.

The following day we woke up to a beautiful sunny day. A five minute walk later we were at the beach ready for a swim. For some regrettable reason Teresa and I decided to swim to some near rock island. Things always appear closer when you´re not swimming. After, we left for some açai smoothies and a nice car ride through the beach cities Teresa and I rode through a week previous. This time it was a fantastic day outside and much more enjoyable. Too bad I was kooked up in some car and not leaning into the turns with the bike. But for once it was nice to sit back and let somebody else drive. We spent quite a bit of time on the road, but since it was one of the most amazing drives I`ve been on I didn`t complain. Even when Mano the puppy got carsick and thew up multiple time. We sat in the shade as the sunset behind us on a private beach drinking beers and enjoying the company. It was a nice day driving, even without my motorcycle.

Chasing the rainbow.

Eventually we make it back quite late to São Paulo. After some great sleep on the comfy couch in the living room Teresa and I woke up to take a self guided walking tour of the city. You can really see the difference between Brazil two major cities. Rio is very touristy, while São Paulo is all business. A very easy comparison is between California`s two best cities San Francisco and Los Angeles. Rio De Janeiro is fun, easy to walk around, and has easily seen culture and tourism. All while slapped on a naturally beautiful landscape, a lot like San Francisco. While São Paulo is huge, business orientated, contains a massive sprawl of people, and has it`s own culture, but not as easily discovered by the normal tourist. I think of it a lot like Los Angeles. I can tell you though that the comparisons stop only at comparing Brazil upon itself. Because I saw some crazy things there that you`d never see in Los Angeles.

Our Paulisto guide took us on a driving tour to see the Red Light District. Now, I`ve seen the world famous Red Light District in Amsterdam, seen the easily approachable hookers drinking alone at bars in Las Vegas. But São Paulo easily takes the cake. On a long stretch of what would be considered normal residential street. There are hoards of prostitutes dressed in pretty much nothing. And when I say pretty much nothing, I mean only high heels and fish net stockings. Absolutely nothing else. They`re walking by gas stations, chatting with the friends, or potential Johns on little motorcycles. It was a free awesome show. I think the rest of the car got embarrassed when I would yell out the window "cuanto custo?" (how much?) to any random girl (or potential dude). It was fucking hilarious. I was driving on a street that was seriously out of this world. If you think the string bikinis worn by normal Brazilian women are bold. Just imagine what their whores look like. Wow.

As time kept marching on so did Teresa and I. She was able to extend her stay an extra week, but we still had to get to Iguaçu to see the waterfall then patiently wait for her un avoidable departure. Three days later, I`m pushing my bike uphill on a normal Sunday trying get my dead bike to safety for the night at our hotel. The next day I got a nice push to the nearby mechanic to clean out the electric systems and replace the spark plug. Finally time to see the greatest waterfall in South America. We take a quick twenty minute drive to the national park and falls. Pay the forty dollar entrance fee and take a nice easy hike to near the waterfall. It`s fabulous, and a gives a stunning view of the hundred or so drops in an almost 360 degree view. The next day we went to see the Argentinean side. Even with a huge unpaid ticket my bike and I were granted access to Argentina. I was honestly pretty nervous and worried, but as always I just tried to charm everyone. And since I was back to Spanish I was happy and chatty with all the officials. I don`t even know what I was worried about since they coudn`t even work their printer. I mean if they can`t figure out how to print, how the hell are they going to figure out I got a ticket and make me pay or generally mess with me. Let`s just say I`m glad it`s not the future where all the systems a will be connected, even in unorganized third world countries.

Amazing Iguacu from the Brazillian side.

Powerful Argentinean side.

Truly stunning.

If you had to see it from one side. It should be the Argentina side. The power is mesmerizing. Teresa and I packed a picnic of sandwiches then stood and had lunch in awe,. Watching the unimaginable amount of water step down and fall hundreds of feet into a mist. The sound and force kept us there in wonder for a good hour or so. Definitely a natural wonder of the world. At that point I realized: that`s it. I`ve seen everything I wanted to see in South America. There`s nothing left. The reality and finality of the best vacation of my life started to set in that night. I couldn`t help but be kind of bummed, and especially since Teresa had to leave the next day. It was getting to me. When I said my absurdely sad goodbye to Teresa at the airport I was done. Ready to get the fuck out, but not so fast. There are still some things left to do. Then it`s almost time to buy that ticket home.

5/15/2011 - São Sebastião, Brazil: Fucking Portuguese

Brazil is fucking huge. It's the fifth largest and most populated country on planet. Bigger then the continental United States, and the only (worthwhile) county in South America that doesn't speak Spanish.  I entered in the south from Uruguay and I'd compare it to entering the US for the first time in Minnesota and heading towards Detroit. Yeah it's America, but it's not really a highlight you'd want to see if you only had a month. Whatev, it's still Brazil either way. I've just recently found my first hostel and actual tourists. I definitely entered into in the real daily life of Brazil.

The biggest and most annoying difference is obviously fucking Portuguese. It's always fun to be in a foreign country, attempting to speak the language. Communicating with hand signals and using simple words in whatever language that might be understood by the other party.  But it's only fun when the consequences are minimal. Like getting chicken soup instead of a delicious sandwich you see some other guy munching on. Or trying to understand that the hotel wants to give me free coffee in the morning. It definitely stops becoming fun when your stuck in some downtown trying to stop traffic and pull over to diagnose another bike problem. I eventually conclude that the gas I recently bought is making the bike sputter and die. After a few exciting miles of high rpms, pushing, and nearly getting hit by a bus, I finally will the girl to a motel on the outskirts of Rio Grande. (Pronounced Hee oh Ghan gee. See what I mean, that language is fucked up.) Anyhow, Teresa and I settle down for the night. Then I start trying to figure out how with no internet and possibly no functioning bike I'm going explain my problem to somebody so I can switch out the tank of gas.

Again, leaving it up to chance and circumstance, I'm rewarded. The guy living right next door to the hotel is a mechanic and has a shop right there. And! He speaks enough English / Spanish / Portuguese that we can understand eachother well enough that he offers to syphon my old gas out and drive me to  what he calls the best gas in Brazil. Awesome. After a few hours in the morning we've rid my tank of crap, and gone to buy a few gallons of real gas. He was even able to weld some parts on the bike back together. What a guy! And all for the price of keeping the crappy gas. Sometimes things work out quite nicely. But as I soon realize, Portuguese is not Spanish, and I'm going to be driving through a foreign country scrambling to learn the language as fast as possible. I can definitely see how speaking Spanish has been incredibly helpful thoughout this journey. Bring it on, I'm always ready for something new.

Honestly, nothing really noteworthy happened after crossing the border, since the south appears to be nothing but industrial cow land with an abundance of people and big lack of things to do and see. There was some really interesting roadkill, but that´s about it. I was pleasantly surprised when I arrived late on my birthday to the popular tourist destination of Ihla Santa Catarina. It's a sweet little island with plenty of attractive beaches and water sports. I stayed at a great hostel, and despite the moldy room, had a great time. It was a perfect place to spend a few days after a week solid of motorcycling. I had a great book (I forget the name, but its that one about that chick with a dragon tattoo), and some good company. So all in all a great time, it's just too bad the weather wouldn't cooperate and make me a hot sunny day. I've had some pretty shitty weather on this trip: driving through Central America during the rainy season, or getting hailed on high up I'm the Andes. But nothing compares to the crappy weather in Brazil.

Once I finally left for Rio De Janeiro, I got hopelessly lost in Curitiba. (Yep, sounds just like it's read: Coo eeh CHEE bah. Ugh. Fucking Portuguese.) But I eventually made it out just in time to avoid the biggest city on the continent: São Paulo. My plan was to stick to the coast all the way to Rio. Turns out it was an excellent idea as the scenery and cool little cities were fucking spectacular. The beaches were the most incredible I've ever seen in my life. It's just too bad that it was rainy and cold. It was like flirting and getting along great with a gorgeous girl all night just for her to ditch you and go home with some douche bag. Bummer. You just can't imagine seeing crystal blue green salty waves crash on big long sandy beaches. All just out of reach because it's rainy and too damn cold to swim. So annoying! At least the drive was super fun on a motorcycle. Tons of twisty turns compounded with a diverse natural scenery. Only seven percent of the Atlantic rainforest remains untouched from development. And I was lucky enough to drive through the little remaining environment that's even more diverse than the Amazon. A very cool three days, but easily could have been a lazy week on the road. Oh well, got to take the bad with the good outside on a motorcycle. Until next time buddies. Boa noite!